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Funny Christmas Quotes

Funny Christmas Quotes 2020

Christmas Shopping…

Christmas Shopping: Wouldn’t It Be Wonderful
To Find One Gift That You Didn’t Have To Dust,
That Had To Be Used Right Away,
That Was Practical, Fit Everyone,
Was Personal And Would Be Remembered
For A Long Time?
I Penciled In Gift Certificate For A Flu Shot. – Erma Bombeck

The Outdoor Christmas Lights…

The Outdoor Christmas Lights,
Green And Red And Gold And Blue And Twinkling,
Remind Me That Most People Are That Way All Year Round — Kind,
Generous, Friendly And With An Occasional Moment Of Ecstasy.
But Christmas Is The Only Time
They Dare Reveal Themselves. – Harlan Miller

Funny Christmas Quotes - when your stop believing

Funny Christmas Quotes - Santa Claus has the right idea.

There Are Some People…

There Are Some People
Who Want To Throw Their Arms Round You
Simply Because It Is Christmas;
There Are Other People
Who Want To Strangle You Simply
Because It Is Christmas. – Robert Staughton Lynd

I Get A Little Behind During…

I Get A Little Behind During Lent,
It Comes Out Even At Christmas. – Frank Butler

Funny Christmas Quotes - I have been good this year

This Year We Are Having A Change…

My Mother-In-Law Has Come Round
To Our House At Christmas Seven Years Running.
This Year We Are Having A Change.
We Are Going To Let Her In. – Leslie Les Dawson, Jr.

Funny Christmas Quotes - Hope your christmas

Bloody Christmas…

Bloody Christmas, Here Again,
Let Us Raise A Loving Cup,
Peace On Earth, Goodwill To Men,
And Make Them Do The Washing Up. – Wendy Cope

Most Of The Soap Operas…

Most Of The Soap Operas
Always Use The Christmas Special
To Kill Huge Quantities Of Their Characters.
So They Have Trams Coming Off Their Rails,
Or Cars Slamming Into Each Other
Or Burning Buildings.
It’s A General Clean-Out. – Baron Fellowes

Christmas To A Child Is…

Christmas To A Child Is
The First Terrible Proof That
To Travel Hopefully
Is Better Than To Arrive. – Stephen John Fry

Funny Christmas Quotes - We elves try to stick

Christmas Is A Baby Shower…

Christmas Is A Baby Shower That Went Totally Overboard.

Funny Christmas Quotes - Hope this Christmas season

Santa Claus Has The Right Idea…

Santa Claus Has The Right Idea.
Visit People Only Once A Year.

My Husband’s Idea Of Getting…

My Husband’s Idea Of Getting The Christmas
Spirit Is To Become Scrooge.

Funny Christmas Quotes - Don't get your Tinsel

We Come To The Holiday Season…

Once Again, We Come To The Holiday Season,
A Deeply Religious Time That Each Of Us Observes,
In His Own Way, By Going To The Mall Of His Choice.

Funny Christmas Quotes - May Your Fun Be Large

Keep Your Friends Close…

Keep Your Friends Close,
Your Enemies Closer,
And Receipts For All Major Purchases.

I Haven’t Taken My Christmas Lights Down…

I Haven’t Taken My Christmas Lights Down.
They Look So Nice On The Pumpkin.

No Matter What Your Religion…

This Holiday Season,
No Matter What Your Religion Is,
Please Take A Moment To Reflect On
Why It’s Better Than All The Other Ones.

The Principal Advantage…

The Principal Advantage Of The Non-Parental Lifestyle
Is That On Christmas Eve You Need Not Be Struck Dumb
By The Three Most Terrifying Words That The Government
Allows To Be Printed On Any Product:
Some Assembly Required.

Funny Christmas Quotes - I am writing to let you know

Nothing Is As Mean…

Nothing Is As Mean As Giving
A Little Child Something Useful For Christmas.

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